Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Nothing much really goes on any more. I'm starting to get a little bored with things. And when I'm bored I start to do things. Like asking the wrong people to hang out. At the wrong places too.
I started texting this guy named nick. And I feel stupid because I know he has a thing for me and he isn't my type. (but who is my type these days?) But he wants to buy me a few drinks. SO I kinda sorta agreed to go out with him Monday night, and chat it up I guess. He started implying things, and even if I did provoke it, I stopped it and told him bluntly that I'm not interested so he stopped.
If I get drunk, I'm not worried if he'll do anything to me because if my drunken impulses are just extremes of what I feel deeply, then I'll probably insult him greatly for getting in my bubble. Because I deeply feel that I do not like him in my bubble. HAh.
Ugh, Even if I told myself I'm going on Monday, I don't really want to go now. Why do I do these things, say I'll go but I don't want to go, but go anyway? I guess there's always this underlying fear of things going on in my head. It's probably a defense mechanism for not being overly disappointed when things come my way.
How did I end up with this mindset? I never used to be this pessimistic about things.
I started texting this guy named nick. And I feel stupid because I know he has a thing for me and he isn't my type. (but who is my type these days?) But he wants to buy me a few drinks. SO I kinda sorta agreed to go out with him Monday night, and chat it up I guess. He started implying things, and even if I did provoke it, I stopped it and told him bluntly that I'm not interested so he stopped.
If I get drunk, I'm not worried if he'll do anything to me because if my drunken impulses are just extremes of what I feel deeply, then I'll probably insult him greatly for getting in my bubble. Because I deeply feel that I do not like him in my bubble. HAh.
Ugh, Even if I told myself I'm going on Monday, I don't really want to go now. Why do I do these things, say I'll go but I don't want to go, but go anyway? I guess there's always this underlying fear of things going on in my head. It's probably a defense mechanism for not being overly disappointed when things come my way.
How did I end up with this mindset? I never used to be this pessimistic about things.
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