Friday, January 8, 2010
The trip to San Diego was amazing. Like I have been saying, I haven’t been back there for five years and so many things have changed. Not only has San Diego changed, but I have changed myself. There were times where I felt really elated, and at the same time I felt this weird sadness. Flashbacks kept coming to me left and right as we drove down all the streets I used to tread.
I saw my alma matter, I suddenly felt this rush in my chest. All these memories came back to me of when I used to ditch school, when we used to hide in the bathroom to do our drugs and when we were running from the security guard because he was trying to get us for being truant. There was a church right next to the school and i remember when we used to ditch biology so my friends can smoke their cigarettes and we would sit there and sing stuff our band wrote. I remember that really clearly, the lyrics were really silly. But it was bonding time nonetheless and we felt invincible to anything.
We rode the trolley the next day to Little Italy, and as I was standing there staring at the people, I started to remember the times that my friends and I would coordinate meeting up on the Trolley from different stations. It amazed me at how we would coordinate meeting up on the trolley, and never get on the wrong one. We always met and we never had a cell phone. Only through land line.
And I also remembered the time when one of us would have a problem and we would sneak out at night ride the trolley down to Sea Port Village. We would sit at the park by the water and just talk it out. Lay down on our blanket and watch the stars, and watch the joggers who ran by. We used to play word games for hours at a time while the breeze would hit us lightly.
We started shopping at Fashion Valley and Mission Valley mall. We had a fun time. We shopped till we literally dropped. I know it’s just shopping but every moment was accounted, for me at least. I felt like I was going to go home and rest right after that. I kept forgetting that we had to wait for my aunt to get back home from work for us to rest. But it was just instinct for me to ride the trolley back to my usual stop and take the shuttle back to my old house.
I wonder if Charlene thought it was weird how I had to pass by my area of San Diego to get to other areas. I left when I was 17 and I was barely learning to drive. I never knew where the freeways led to. And I came to this weird realization about how I learned to drive and how I knew where random things were, like all the malls and shopping areas. My mom was the one that taught me how to drive, and she had me drive far and wide to ALL of her favorite shopping spots. Well mom, it worked. Funny isn’t it?
After our little shopping expedition, My aunt and uncle took us to this really nice Korean bbq place that they loved so much. It was very nice and we had a fun time because my aunt and uncle are really good entertainers and we just laughed the night away. They were very laid back, well rounded and they lived a relax life and you can tell that they were very happy with where they were. That’s what I wanted. I think I’ve been wanting this the whole time. Life in San Diego. The city life by the beach, where the weather is nice all year round. I don’t think it ever really left me at all. I just didn’t know it.
Coming to San Diego was a very weird experience for me. I didn’t want to go back for some reason either. I can’t really explain what it was. But I just didn’t want to go back. Now I feel like it’s my home again. And in Fact, I want to move back.
The reason why it was a weird experience? I left that place with a different mind set. Different dreams, different aspirations, different motivations. I left there thinking that I was going to come back, I wasn’t going to stay in no hick town. But I come back, so many things have changed. My thoughts, my sexuality, motives, views on life, It changed everything I’ve ever wanted to do in San Diego and I see it in a totally different light.
Another weird thing to me was that I didn’t run into anyone. No one at all. I saw a few familiar faces here and there, but I was ready to run into someone I knew.
I had a lot of fun, and I had excellent company. But it was difficult for me to express how I felt because I didn’t want to be selfish and talk about my memories of when I did this and that.
Now, I’m at home. I just woke up and I can tell you one thing: reality hurts.
I have work tonight and I feel like I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to talk to my co-workers and put up a front.
I feel like I came back home as a different person again, and every time we have a trip like this, I feel like I am becoming more and more distant from my family here and friends that I have made while living here. It’s a weird thought, but all I want to do is pack up and leave this very instant.
It doesn’t sound like a bad idea right about now.
I saw my alma matter, I suddenly felt this rush in my chest. All these memories came back to me of when I used to ditch school, when we used to hide in the bathroom to do our drugs and when we were running from the security guard because he was trying to get us for being truant. There was a church right next to the school and i remember when we used to ditch biology so my friends can smoke their cigarettes and we would sit there and sing stuff our band wrote. I remember that really clearly, the lyrics were really silly. But it was bonding time nonetheless and we felt invincible to anything.
We rode the trolley the next day to Little Italy, and as I was standing there staring at the people, I started to remember the times that my friends and I would coordinate meeting up on the Trolley from different stations. It amazed me at how we would coordinate meeting up on the trolley, and never get on the wrong one. We always met and we never had a cell phone. Only through land line.
And I also remembered the time when one of us would have a problem and we would sneak out at night ride the trolley down to Sea Port Village. We would sit at the park by the water and just talk it out. Lay down on our blanket and watch the stars, and watch the joggers who ran by. We used to play word games for hours at a time while the breeze would hit us lightly.
We started shopping at Fashion Valley and Mission Valley mall. We had a fun time. We shopped till we literally dropped. I know it’s just shopping but every moment was accounted, for me at least. I felt like I was going to go home and rest right after that. I kept forgetting that we had to wait for my aunt to get back home from work for us to rest. But it was just instinct for me to ride the trolley back to my usual stop and take the shuttle back to my old house.
I wonder if Charlene thought it was weird how I had to pass by my area of San Diego to get to other areas. I left when I was 17 and I was barely learning to drive. I never knew where the freeways led to. And I came to this weird realization about how I learned to drive and how I knew where random things were, like all the malls and shopping areas. My mom was the one that taught me how to drive, and she had me drive far and wide to ALL of her favorite shopping spots. Well mom, it worked. Funny isn’t it?
After our little shopping expedition, My aunt and uncle took us to this really nice Korean bbq place that they loved so much. It was very nice and we had a fun time because my aunt and uncle are really good entertainers and we just laughed the night away. They were very laid back, well rounded and they lived a relax life and you can tell that they were very happy with where they were. That’s what I wanted. I think I’ve been wanting this the whole time. Life in San Diego. The city life by the beach, where the weather is nice all year round. I don’t think it ever really left me at all. I just didn’t know it.
Coming to San Diego was a very weird experience for me. I didn’t want to go back for some reason either. I can’t really explain what it was. But I just didn’t want to go back. Now I feel like it’s my home again. And in Fact, I want to move back.
The reason why it was a weird experience? I left that place with a different mind set. Different dreams, different aspirations, different motivations. I left there thinking that I was going to come back, I wasn’t going to stay in no hick town. But I come back, so many things have changed. My thoughts, my sexuality, motives, views on life, It changed everything I’ve ever wanted to do in San Diego and I see it in a totally different light.
Another weird thing to me was that I didn’t run into anyone. No one at all. I saw a few familiar faces here and there, but I was ready to run into someone I knew.
I had a lot of fun, and I had excellent company. But it was difficult for me to express how I felt because I didn’t want to be selfish and talk about my memories of when I did this and that.
Now, I’m at home. I just woke up and I can tell you one thing: reality hurts.
I have work tonight and I feel like I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to talk to my co-workers and put up a front.
I feel like I came back home as a different person again, and every time we have a trip like this, I feel like I am becoming more and more distant from my family here and friends that I have made while living here. It’s a weird thought, but all I want to do is pack up and leave this very instant.
It doesn’t sound like a bad idea right about now.
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