Saturday, September 12, 2009
Well, the days have been great lately. I have been hanging out with some new people. They have been cool. I guess I am a bit ashamed that a little alcohol has been involved, but it feels great.
It makes me feel like the days back in high school when we would take a little drink and talk about the weirdest things, play Jenga with our wobbly hands, and try to catch a cat while a little tipsy.
I think I’m starting to be my old self again. I am starting to love talking to different kinds of people, and I’m starting to be tough again. Maybe two months ago I wouldn’t have been able to talk to people the way I speak to them right now.
I don’t know. There are a few things I would like to bring up though. I think I stopped drinking and such because of a tragic incident, I don’t think I ever spoke to anyone about this. Of course my parents don’t know, and none of my friends that I speak to don’t know, This was some unspoken event that none of my friends never spoke about for 6 years, but I think it’s time to talk about it with someone.
Well, six years ago, back in San Diego, we had a friend who committed suicide. The reason? Because he was so high all the time that when he wasn’t high, he felt so depressed. He didn’t want to live, then he finally took his own life. He was a really close friend, I remember when we tried to make a band, he used to try to get me to sing for him on his balcony when he would show me a new song he made on his guitar. We actually did have a band in the making for a bit. I was their singer, he played the guitar, and Trevor on the bass and Christa on the drums, it was fun. Then suddenly he was gone with one slit to the throat.
I remember the cops asking us all these questions. They were trying to make us suspects of his death. It was a hard thing to go through with someone telling you that you killed your friend when you were trying to cope with a friend dying. But all evidence pointed to him killing himself. It was a sad day. We never spoke of this because it was just hard to bear.
After that, we stopped talking to eachother, I moved, they moved, we all lost touch. It’s really sad.
I’ve never talked about this with anyone before, and I feel better just blogging about it.
And tonight, it really made me remember those times, those memories I tried to suppress, I’m finally over it and I’m ready to talk about it when the time comes.
I really miss my friend, but I know I can miss him all I want, and well, nothing will happen.
But tonight was great.
I miss you Jay.
It makes me feel like the days back in high school when we would take a little drink and talk about the weirdest things, play Jenga with our wobbly hands, and try to catch a cat while a little tipsy.
I think I’m starting to be my old self again. I am starting to love talking to different kinds of people, and I’m starting to be tough again. Maybe two months ago I wouldn’t have been able to talk to people the way I speak to them right now.
I don’t know. There are a few things I would like to bring up though. I think I stopped drinking and such because of a tragic incident, I don’t think I ever spoke to anyone about this. Of course my parents don’t know, and none of my friends that I speak to don’t know, This was some unspoken event that none of my friends never spoke about for 6 years, but I think it’s time to talk about it with someone.
Well, six years ago, back in San Diego, we had a friend who committed suicide. The reason? Because he was so high all the time that when he wasn’t high, he felt so depressed. He didn’t want to live, then he finally took his own life. He was a really close friend, I remember when we tried to make a band, he used to try to get me to sing for him on his balcony when he would show me a new song he made on his guitar. We actually did have a band in the making for a bit. I was their singer, he played the guitar, and Trevor on the bass and Christa on the drums, it was fun. Then suddenly he was gone with one slit to the throat.
I remember the cops asking us all these questions. They were trying to make us suspects of his death. It was a hard thing to go through with someone telling you that you killed your friend when you were trying to cope with a friend dying. But all evidence pointed to him killing himself. It was a sad day. We never spoke of this because it was just hard to bear.
After that, we stopped talking to eachother, I moved, they moved, we all lost touch. It’s really sad.
I’ve never talked about this with anyone before, and I feel better just blogging about it.
And tonight, it really made me remember those times, those memories I tried to suppress, I’m finally over it and I’m ready to talk about it when the time comes.
I really miss my friend, but I know I can miss him all I want, and well, nothing will happen.
But tonight was great.
I miss you Jay.
I think that the easiest way to move on is to get things out in the open and not to block them out. Keeping that all inside will never do you any good. Its good that you are now comfortable talking about this. This is what a blog is about, no judgement.
Thanks, yeah really, things aren't good to keep inside, but this thing was something that I haven't really come to terms with until now. I really just kept this one in for a while. A really long while.
But now I'm starting to open up more. My trust issues aren't as bad as they used to be.
I see you're following me now? thanks for following the blog, I was wondering who you were for the longest time!