Saturday, October 17, 2009
This week has been a mixed bag of emotions for me. Not so dramatic, nor was it even eventful. But it has been some what of an emotional week for me.
Some times I think I have some kind of disorder. But I refuse to believe that because a lot of the time it's my own doing. I personally believe it has a lot to do with not being sure of myself, or admitting to what I'm actually thinking and not letting myself think what I want to think for the fear of sounding stupid to others.
I'm breaking through that cycle and I'm actually starting to become more headstrong with my opinions and actually going with my gut more than being empathetic and agreeing just to get a mutual and harmonious understanding.
In simpler terms: I don't put up with anyone's Bull Sh*t.
I've been in the mood to do nothing but eat lately. Emotional eating. My worst enemy!
I've been feeling kind of blah lately. The kind of blah where I don't know what to think of things. I've been feeling very unattractive lately and I'm ready to kick some ass at the gym to make that feeling go away. But along with these feelings of unattractiveness, comes laziness. I think I'm going to let it settle until the weekend is over. Let me get tired of it. Because eventually I will and Monday is a new week.
I think what sparked all this crap was when someone asked me what I like to do for fun. I couldn't really answer that question.
Eat.
Walk.
Travel.
When I do travel what do I do?
Eat.
Walk.
Look around.
That's pretty much what I do.
Sure, I make a fool out of myself kinda, by flirting with store owners, asking dumb questions, staring at people, taking pictures and stuff. People watch and just talk about feelings and funny experiences.
But how do you explain that to someone that doesn't really understand that kind of stuff? This person says he likes to go to clubs and watch movies and all the local stuff I dare not spend my money on.
I sound like a tight ass. Or something. it's just that I've done everything locally before and I don't feel like doing it again, or all the time for that matter.
But the point is, I don't know how to explain myself a lot of the time.
Sometimes I look at myself and feel like I'm not original or something. As unique as everyone says I am, I feel like some wannabe bastard child of everything I've seen in my life. Not really original there. I can't even tell you who my favorite artists are in art or music. I don't even know my actors well hahaha except for the ones I make fun of.
I sound like a sap right now.
-----------------------------------------------
After 25 minutes later, I feel like I wrote some crap. But I guess I'm going to post this crap because I actually feel better posting it. hahah.
Any how. I really want some more pho. I am getting mad that there is no pho place that's 24 hours. You'd think some crazy money hungry Laos Family opened one some where in Fresno!
Anyways, I just had some crackers and a vitamin C tablet.
And now I am ready for bed. Early for once.
Some times I think I have some kind of disorder. But I refuse to believe that because a lot of the time it's my own doing. I personally believe it has a lot to do with not being sure of myself, or admitting to what I'm actually thinking and not letting myself think what I want to think for the fear of sounding stupid to others.
I'm breaking through that cycle and I'm actually starting to become more headstrong with my opinions and actually going with my gut more than being empathetic and agreeing just to get a mutual and harmonious understanding.
In simpler terms: I don't put up with anyone's Bull Sh*t.
I've been in the mood to do nothing but eat lately. Emotional eating. My worst enemy!
I've been feeling kind of blah lately. The kind of blah where I don't know what to think of things. I've been feeling very unattractive lately and I'm ready to kick some ass at the gym to make that feeling go away. But along with these feelings of unattractiveness, comes laziness. I think I'm going to let it settle until the weekend is over. Let me get tired of it. Because eventually I will and Monday is a new week.
I think what sparked all this crap was when someone asked me what I like to do for fun. I couldn't really answer that question.
Eat.
Walk.
Travel.
When I do travel what do I do?
Eat.
Walk.
Look around.
That's pretty much what I do.
Sure, I make a fool out of myself kinda, by flirting with store owners, asking dumb questions, staring at people, taking pictures and stuff. People watch and just talk about feelings and funny experiences.
But how do you explain that to someone that doesn't really understand that kind of stuff? This person says he likes to go to clubs and watch movies and all the local stuff I dare not spend my money on.
I sound like a tight ass. Or something. it's just that I've done everything locally before and I don't feel like doing it again, or all the time for that matter.
But the point is, I don't know how to explain myself a lot of the time.
Sometimes I look at myself and feel like I'm not original or something. As unique as everyone says I am, I feel like some wannabe bastard child of everything I've seen in my life. Not really original there. I can't even tell you who my favorite artists are in art or music. I don't even know my actors well hahaha except for the ones I make fun of.
I sound like a sap right now.
-----------------------------------------------
After 25 minutes later, I feel like I wrote some crap. But I guess I'm going to post this crap because I actually feel better posting it. hahah.
Any how. I really want some more pho. I am getting mad that there is no pho place that's 24 hours. You'd think some crazy money hungry Laos Family opened one some where in Fresno!
Anyways, I just had some crackers and a vitamin C tablet.
And now I am ready for bed. Early for once.
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