Friday, February 26, 2010
So this week wasn't exactly grand. I didn't do much, and I wasn't exactly productive either. I guess I took the week to recover and rid myself of the ex-factor.
After that whole incident in the car after work, I was going a bit crazy and lovestruck all over again, but the ex decided to get drunk and come to my door at 5 am the next morning to start talking some nonsense. I took care of him and he said some pretty crazy things to me. Shot the L word at me and told me I should stay away because he knows he's toying around with me. I was just in disbelief he was drunk, because he never drinks.
For some reason at that moment, I didn't care that this was an ex. It didn't even feel like it. I no longer liked this person, he no longer attracted me. I didn't want to kiss him, or hear anything he told me. He was laying on the sofa drunk while I sat on a stool across from him. I didn't want him to give me a hug or anything. I wanted him to stay right there where he was. I didn't want to hear his bullshit stories any more, I just wanted him to leave.
At that point, I guess I can finally say that I'm over him. For good.
I'm starting to have this weird way with friends now these days. On Tuesday morning, right about 1am Troy calls me and tells me that He, Ben and Channa are going to pismo for the day and they wanted me to come. I tell them that I couldn't because I had to pick my dad up from the airport and they get upset with me. They started telling me things like " Why don't you just let your dad take a taxi?" or "why don't you have someone else pick him up?" I don't know if they realize that if I agree to pick someone up, especially my dad from the airport, three weeks in advance that I HAVE to go get him? Usually I brush this sort of stuff off, they usually joke around saying that I never have time for them, but really it's the conflicting work schedules we have. But this time, it struck a nerve for me.
Right when they came back, I have about five comments on my wall on facebook telling me how much fun they had and how I sucked because I didn't go and how I should have just left my dad at the air port. I was just like-excuse me? I mean I know I shouldn't be mad at my buddies but this went way too far. I'm tired of them harassing me when I can't hang out with them just because of work too. I'm starting to not like these people any more.
There is another reason why I am also starting to distance myself from them.
Ben, Troy and Channa, we all share a lot in common. We hate this place, we're all queer, we all aren't from the area but some how we got trapped here and now we're struggling to get out. But as of lately, I'm really the only one out of the four trying to make a change. They all have their lifestyle, work, bars, bills and beer. Work, bars, bills and beer. They're always broke. Not because they have bills to pay, because they buy too much beer and cigarettes. They go out almost 3 times a week, not including all the times they go out with their individual friends outside of the circle.
I'm here trying to save money. I don't go out too often. Only about once a week, and when I go out, it's only to eat. Have some coffee, cheap thrills. I'm not out to have a bang or spend a hundred dollars. And I'm not out to exhaust myself either by going to dive bars every night because it's a waste of my energy around here any ways.
I had a little talk with them not too long ago. I asked what they were planning, and they say that it's hard for them to just pick up and leave. Not because of money, because of their lifestyle. I asked them if they would change, and they said they couldn't do that, and Channa says " That's just the way I am", Troy and Ben also agree and I look at them like " I see".
When she said "thats just the way I am" that was a deal breaker. I could no longer be close to these people like I used to. By all of them saying that, I already felt like an outsider of the group; an observer from a far. I can already see that these people are going to stay here, lonely and angry. Angry that they still live in this shit town and nothing is moving forward for them. I know them. Ever since we all met three years ago, this is the kind of lifestyle they've had. Work, bar, bills and beer.
I can't stand it when people tell me that "that's just the way I am". That means you aren't willing to change for the better. You are a stubborn person and everyone has to move around you. I mean it could be a good thing that people are set in their ways, but for this situation, it hardly does any benefit.
It's not helping them, and it won't help me. They can pose a threat on my goals if I let them bring me down.
So I guess this is how it's going to be.
Bring it.
After that whole incident in the car after work, I was going a bit crazy and lovestruck all over again, but the ex decided to get drunk and come to my door at 5 am the next morning to start talking some nonsense. I took care of him and he said some pretty crazy things to me. Shot the L word at me and told me I should stay away because he knows he's toying around with me. I was just in disbelief he was drunk, because he never drinks.
For some reason at that moment, I didn't care that this was an ex. It didn't even feel like it. I no longer liked this person, he no longer attracted me. I didn't want to kiss him, or hear anything he told me. He was laying on the sofa drunk while I sat on a stool across from him. I didn't want him to give me a hug or anything. I wanted him to stay right there where he was. I didn't want to hear his bullshit stories any more, I just wanted him to leave.
At that point, I guess I can finally say that I'm over him. For good.
I'm starting to have this weird way with friends now these days. On Tuesday morning, right about 1am Troy calls me and tells me that He, Ben and Channa are going to pismo for the day and they wanted me to come. I tell them that I couldn't because I had to pick my dad up from the airport and they get upset with me. They started telling me things like " Why don't you just let your dad take a taxi?" or "why don't you have someone else pick him up?" I don't know if they realize that if I agree to pick someone up, especially my dad from the airport, three weeks in advance that I HAVE to go get him? Usually I brush this sort of stuff off, they usually joke around saying that I never have time for them, but really it's the conflicting work schedules we have. But this time, it struck a nerve for me.
Right when they came back, I have about five comments on my wall on facebook telling me how much fun they had and how I sucked because I didn't go and how I should have just left my dad at the air port. I was just like-excuse me? I mean I know I shouldn't be mad at my buddies but this went way too far. I'm tired of them harassing me when I can't hang out with them just because of work too. I'm starting to not like these people any more.
There is another reason why I am also starting to distance myself from them.
Ben, Troy and Channa, we all share a lot in common. We hate this place, we're all queer, we all aren't from the area but some how we got trapped here and now we're struggling to get out. But as of lately, I'm really the only one out of the four trying to make a change. They all have their lifestyle, work, bars, bills and beer. Work, bars, bills and beer. They're always broke. Not because they have bills to pay, because they buy too much beer and cigarettes. They go out almost 3 times a week, not including all the times they go out with their individual friends outside of the circle.
I'm here trying to save money. I don't go out too often. Only about once a week, and when I go out, it's only to eat. Have some coffee, cheap thrills. I'm not out to have a bang or spend a hundred dollars. And I'm not out to exhaust myself either by going to dive bars every night because it's a waste of my energy around here any ways.
I had a little talk with them not too long ago. I asked what they were planning, and they say that it's hard for them to just pick up and leave. Not because of money, because of their lifestyle. I asked them if they would change, and they said they couldn't do that, and Channa says " That's just the way I am", Troy and Ben also agree and I look at them like " I see".
When she said "thats just the way I am" that was a deal breaker. I could no longer be close to these people like I used to. By all of them saying that, I already felt like an outsider of the group; an observer from a far. I can already see that these people are going to stay here, lonely and angry. Angry that they still live in this shit town and nothing is moving forward for them. I know them. Ever since we all met three years ago, this is the kind of lifestyle they've had. Work, bar, bills and beer.
I can't stand it when people tell me that "that's just the way I am". That means you aren't willing to change for the better. You are a stubborn person and everyone has to move around you. I mean it could be a good thing that people are set in their ways, but for this situation, it hardly does any benefit.
It's not helping them, and it won't help me. They can pose a threat on my goals if I let them bring me down.
So I guess this is how it's going to be.
Bring it.
Hey - congrats on being over Evan. That's excellent.
Pismo? As in Pismo Beach? Isn't that where Bugs Bunny was always heading?
Your friends sound pretty selfish. If you agreed to take your dad to the airport - you take him to the airport. It's called being responsible. Trying to get someone to pawn their father on someone else is pretty immature.
I completely agree. My friendship with these people are on Hiatus, Sort of.although I shouldn't end that it's bad to burn your bridges.
I'll let them cool down, They have their moments. I guess they just really wanted to see me, they have their place.
Sometimes they're the only ones that appreciate a nice quiet group evening every now and then.
I don't know but wasn't he going to albuquerque or something??
I don't remember.