Monday, March 8, 2010
Sometimes Troy and I get into little random conversations through text. Troy isn't a total flaming homo, although he is loud and proud about being gay. And he makes me feel very straight when I'm around him. And he is pretty typical in some aspects that some times, I don't know how we talk and get along so much. But we do nonetheless.
We were talking about a few things. His birthday, the club, the restaurant. The sober driver, and then all of a sudden he gets on my case about getting a boyfriend. I kind of told him that I don't want to go to the club after his birthday dinner. He freaks out and starts hammering me on when was the last time I got laid. (He does not know when was the last time I got laid!) I start telling him that the club doesn't sound too fun to me and that they are stupid because they don't have a sober driver.
I get him to admit that yes, they are idiots and they probably deserve to die if they hit anyone from being drunk. His words. Not mine. And that sometimes they get a little too stupid, but tells me that I should come anyways because I'm one of his besties. (Again, his words. Not mine)
He also said that I'll be sure to get laid or find a boyfriend if I go to that club that night.
I roll my eyes and start telling him off. I'm a little serious on my end while he takes it as a joke and he continues on lecturing me about how I'm never going to find a man this way and that I should just be gay and do my thang.
My "thang"? What thang?
So how does one go to the club and assume that they are going to get some from there automatically? Or get a boyfriend for that matter? That sounds so desperate. And do I look like I go to clubs? Compared to Troy, I look like an Asian pot head who paints pictures and knows my Asian-American heritage and likes to talk about minority issues. Troy straight up looks like a party goer. He wears those button ups, with the wings and weird birds and such. He straight up looks like he would walk into a party and start hi fiving people. Sometimes I feel odd being around him. He's white and full figured while I'm a baby-faced Asian. We get a lot of stares when we're walking together.
Well anyways, the conversation goes on. He's still pressing for things and wondering what kind of guy I like so that way he can find one for me. This is his birthday we're talking about. Why are we looking for a guy for me, when he doesn't even have a boyfriend or F---buddy on his own birthday?
I tried to tell him that I'm on hold with the whole romance thing and he freaks out even more. He says that I'm not having fun for my age. Bullshit.
And then then he goes on telling reasons why I should have a boyfriend.
Okay. What is this?
Seriously, I'm trying to live a normal life out (if that made sense), where I can just go about doing the same things that I like to do without my sexual preference interfering with it. I don't mind people knowing. But I want people to know me as something else rather than a homo. I'm a little tired of all this " you have to like someone, or think someone is hot" crap. Sometimes I sit here thinking this "gay" thing is on hiatus with me. Maybe I should start hitting on girls and making them giggle like I usually do and start asking them out. I'm so much better at it, and I can afford their dinners if they like. And I'm a good nurturer. A good man to them. Their parents would love me, since I'm responsible. And she'll love me for being really spontaneous and dominant and seizing the moments to make romantic memories. And we'll take cute pictures all the time. I know I look adorable when I take pictures with other girls. So adorable that people always think that it's my cute girlfriend, and that we're made for each other. I'll find a girl fast.
But I'm not catch or anything hahah.
And that's just a thought. And I was just kidding and I got carried away in my lampoonery.
I'm still attracted to the XY.
But why can't I just be?
We were talking about a few things. His birthday, the club, the restaurant. The sober driver, and then all of a sudden he gets on my case about getting a boyfriend. I kind of told him that I don't want to go to the club after his birthday dinner. He freaks out and starts hammering me on when was the last time I got laid. (He does not know when was the last time I got laid!) I start telling him that the club doesn't sound too fun to me and that they are stupid because they don't have a sober driver.
I get him to admit that yes, they are idiots and they probably deserve to die if they hit anyone from being drunk. His words. Not mine. And that sometimes they get a little too stupid, but tells me that I should come anyways because I'm one of his besties. (Again, his words. Not mine)
He also said that I'll be sure to get laid or find a boyfriend if I go to that club that night.
I roll my eyes and start telling him off. I'm a little serious on my end while he takes it as a joke and he continues on lecturing me about how I'm never going to find a man this way and that I should just be gay and do my thang.
My "thang"? What thang?
So how does one go to the club and assume that they are going to get some from there automatically? Or get a boyfriend for that matter? That sounds so desperate. And do I look like I go to clubs? Compared to Troy, I look like an Asian pot head who paints pictures and knows my Asian-American heritage and likes to talk about minority issues. Troy straight up looks like a party goer. He wears those button ups, with the wings and weird birds and such. He straight up looks like he would walk into a party and start hi fiving people. Sometimes I feel odd being around him. He's white and full figured while I'm a baby-faced Asian. We get a lot of stares when we're walking together.
Well anyways, the conversation goes on. He's still pressing for things and wondering what kind of guy I like so that way he can find one for me. This is his birthday we're talking about. Why are we looking for a guy for me, when he doesn't even have a boyfriend or F---buddy on his own birthday?
I tried to tell him that I'm on hold with the whole romance thing and he freaks out even more. He says that I'm not having fun for my age. Bullshit.
And then then he goes on telling reasons why I should have a boyfriend.
Okay. What is this?
Seriously, I'm trying to live a normal life out (if that made sense), where I can just go about doing the same things that I like to do without my sexual preference interfering with it. I don't mind people knowing. But I want people to know me as something else rather than a homo. I'm a little tired of all this " you have to like someone, or think someone is hot" crap. Sometimes I sit here thinking this "gay" thing is on hiatus with me. Maybe I should start hitting on girls and making them giggle like I usually do and start asking them out. I'm so much better at it, and I can afford their dinners if they like. And I'm a good nurturer. A good man to them. Their parents would love me, since I'm responsible. And she'll love me for being really spontaneous and dominant and seizing the moments to make romantic memories. And we'll take cute pictures all the time. I know I look adorable when I take pictures with other girls. So adorable that people always think that it's my cute girlfriend, and that we're made for each other. I'll find a girl fast.
But I'm not catch or anything hahah.
And that's just a thought. And I was just kidding and I got carried away in my lampoonery.
I'm still attracted to the XY.
But why can't I just be?
I totally understand how you feel about being known for more than a homo. I have the same feeling at times as well. My friends have asked me the "who do you like" question as well. Honestly I think they think its comical or interesting because were different. After reading this I guess im not giving you advice, but you should know that there are people out there with the same feelings!