I Think I Went A Little Bit Crazy,

Lately I'm not so sure of how I have been feeling.
I now have a workout buddy, and I joined the gym.
I've been saving money, and my hobbies are somewhat changing.

I guess I'm content. On the outside at least.

I've been feeling a little blue. Not exactly depressed. But just a little blue.

I dont know. I have people to talk to but I don't at the same time. I have people to joke around with, gossip with, eat with, shop with, work out with, but I really have no one talk with.
Lately I've been chalk full of emotions. I think this is the most Vocal I've ever been about them. The most open I've actually been with myself.

Lately I have been hanging out with Leah. She recently broke up with her boyfriend. I'm not stupid. I can see she is using me as a distraction. I can see she's using me like a social climber would. But it goes both ways because I'm using her too so I'm not alone at the gym. she really isn't best friend material, that's a given. But I guess she's someone that will pal around me while I have so much time off. We split the bill all the time!

As far as everything else, I guess I'm just a little blue because outside of the people I talk to, I really just rely on myself. I don't know. Maybe three months ago I would have liked being by myself, not bothered, and just not spoken to.
But now, I want someone to need me. I want someone to come up and talk to me for once. I want to be invited instead of being the one inviting all the time.

I crave intimacy. Nothing sexual. I want to eliminate the need to blog about my inner most feelings because I've told someone who would keep it dear to them as I would.

I guess I also hang out with Leah for another reason. She makes me feel needed because she has been so dependent off her ex. I taught her how to clean her windshield and other common things her boyfriend did for her. I guess I'm helping her become more independent. She even said so herself.
Its nice to feel needed.

I've definitely changed a lot in the past few weeks. Good or bad change, I'm not so sure. All I know is, I feel much more alive, much more aware, and its can go both ways, good or bad depending on the situation.

But one thing is, I'm not so sure how to rid this semi subconscipious depression.
I guess the only thing will be to leave this place and finally move on.

I don't have much for me here. Family isn't too fond of me, And friends don't stay friends once they leave this place anyway so I guess ill have to harden my heart and start a new.

I feel like I sound like a brat.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry