Thursday, December 31, 2009
Times are going wayyy too fast. As I was walking in the halls at work last night, I was taking a look at how these a lot of these people didn't look familiar to me. And then on the tables I keep hearing people saying that they are just visiting. After long thought and saying "duh" to myself, it hit me that it was already going to be New Years.
I started thinking, "Damn, it's already going to be 2010!!" and I started having a little panic attack in my mind for some reason. I felt like I was unprepared or something. After calming down and having a sip of Iced tea, I just sat there on break thinking. Thinking of all the things that happened this year. Thinking off all the good things, all the bad and how things came to be. I only had 20 minutes to think, but I had a lot of thoughts come into mind.
One big thing for me to think of was the whole sexuality issue and how, when, where and why I just decided to come to terms with it. I officially announced myself as homosexual this summer. Before then, I had guys interested in me, nothing too serious, but I would just not pay attention to them. One got out of hand. His name was Kyle. We got a little close. Too close for comfort. He turned into a psycho. But aside form that, I was unsure of things.
But then I went on a trip to San Francisco with some old School mates (which was sorta the worst trip ever) during the summer and we went to the Castro. The Castro is the Gay Mecca. It was really inspiring for me. It was hip, colorful, fashionable, and it was just exciting. I felt at home. I tuned out my annoying school mates and started watching a street show on the corner. It was entertaining but I started watching the people who huddled around and the people that were walking by,. Everyone looked so happy, so complete. I can see in these people's faces that their happiness was a product of a lot of things they had to face growing up as a homosexual in the straight world. These people looked so strong and so sure.
I started looking behind me and down the street to see couples holding hands, gays, lesbians, straight couples. It was just so exciting to see that everyone could walk around so freely around each other like that showing some affection with no rude stares or glares. So that's when I just said hell with it. I'm gay and I love it.
And Then I thought of all the trips that I went on this year. I went a lot. I keep saying how boring my life is. But from looking at my pictures and remnants of all the trips in my car (there are a lot of things in my car), I had it pretty good. I've been on more trips this year than any average 21 year old with a stable job could do. If I could count how many times I've been on a trip this year, I've been out and about approximately 9 times this year. That's almost a trip every month!
Getting back to the fact that I felt unprepared for the year, I thought about it and the reason why I feel unprepared is because I guess I haven't thought about what I would like to happen for the new year. Resolutions I guess?
Well here's my list:
-Ease up on the sponteninity.
-Become a tad bit more involved.
-Be a lot more social.
-If someone gives me their number, text them.
-Be a lot more open to people. Or at least try.
-Go on MORE trips.
-Be a bitch ( because I am wayyyy too nice, even Charlene said so herself)
-Focus a lot more on singing and writing songs.
-Revive my photography skills and turn it in to a hobby.
-Revive my drawing skills because, people tell me I have talent.
-Be confident.
-Don't sell myself short.
-Become cute.
-Become attractive.
-Become cute edgy and attractive ( I don't want to look like a coffee house hipster any more!!)
-And have fun with everything I do.
A long list. But something I want to start the New Year with.
Happy 2010!
I started thinking, "Damn, it's already going to be 2010!!" and I started having a little panic attack in my mind for some reason. I felt like I was unprepared or something. After calming down and having a sip of Iced tea, I just sat there on break thinking. Thinking of all the things that happened this year. Thinking off all the good things, all the bad and how things came to be. I only had 20 minutes to think, but I had a lot of thoughts come into mind.
One big thing for me to think of was the whole sexuality issue and how, when, where and why I just decided to come to terms with it. I officially announced myself as homosexual this summer. Before then, I had guys interested in me, nothing too serious, but I would just not pay attention to them. One got out of hand. His name was Kyle. We got a little close. Too close for comfort. He turned into a psycho. But aside form that, I was unsure of things.
But then I went on a trip to San Francisco with some old School mates (which was sorta the worst trip ever) during the summer and we went to the Castro. The Castro is the Gay Mecca. It was really inspiring for me. It was hip, colorful, fashionable, and it was just exciting. I felt at home. I tuned out my annoying school mates and started watching a street show on the corner. It was entertaining but I started watching the people who huddled around and the people that were walking by,. Everyone looked so happy, so complete. I can see in these people's faces that their happiness was a product of a lot of things they had to face growing up as a homosexual in the straight world. These people looked so strong and so sure.
I started looking behind me and down the street to see couples holding hands, gays, lesbians, straight couples. It was just so exciting to see that everyone could walk around so freely around each other like that showing some affection with no rude stares or glares. So that's when I just said hell with it. I'm gay and I love it.
And Then I thought of all the trips that I went on this year. I went a lot. I keep saying how boring my life is. But from looking at my pictures and remnants of all the trips in my car (there are a lot of things in my car), I had it pretty good. I've been on more trips this year than any average 21 year old with a stable job could do. If I could count how many times I've been on a trip this year, I've been out and about approximately 9 times this year. That's almost a trip every month!
Getting back to the fact that I felt unprepared for the year, I thought about it and the reason why I feel unprepared is because I guess I haven't thought about what I would like to happen for the new year. Resolutions I guess?
Well here's my list:
-Ease up on the sponteninity.
-Become a tad bit more involved.
-Be a lot more social.
-If someone gives me their number, text them.
-Be a lot more open to people. Or at least try.
-Go on MORE trips.
-Be a bitch ( because I am wayyyy too nice, even Charlene said so herself)
-Focus a lot more on singing and writing songs.
-Revive my photography skills and turn it in to a hobby.
-Revive my drawing skills because, people tell me I have talent.
-Be confident.
-Don't sell myself short.
-Become cute.
-Become attractive.
-Become cute edgy and attractive ( I don't want to look like a coffee house hipster any more!!)
-And have fun with everything I do.
A long list. But something I want to start the New Year with.
Happy 2010!
I remember the first time I was in the Castro. I wish I had the same revelation that you did at that time - and just admitted to myself that I was gay. I was in my early twenties. I too was in awe of the freedom that was omnipresent there. Freedom to be yourself.
Don't ease up on the spontaneity. That's one of the things that makes life great.
I'm sure you're already cute/attractive!
Have a Happy New Year!
Hehehe, I agree with NewLeaf. You're already a cutey pie. Cute edgy and attractive sounds hot. :p
Happy New Year Masa! I'll see you in the New Year. =)
*hugs hugs hugs and throws confetti*
Thats a pretty ambitious list! Confidence comes from within. Confidence is sexy! Honestly if you aspire to be more confident most of the things on your list will fall in place.
How do you become cute? You are or you aren't. Im will to take the chance and assume your way cute though. :)
Oh gosh you guys are too kind. I'm a regular Joe schmoe!
Well to become cute, first of all, I gotta keep up and maintenance of things. Hair cuts, coordination of clothes the works. I have been a bit lazy this year and been just going with jeans and t-shirts but towards the year I've been going metrosexual all the way. Does metrosexual make sense for gay guy? Or am I dressing gay? No never mind it's metrosexual. It's true though, it's either you're cute or your not. My confidence seems to think I'm partially in between. But I'll let the public be the judge.
Well I hope you guys ha a great new year, 2009 was a bit of wreck for me so I'm glad the new year is starting off with optimism and great new beginnings.